I've been listening to this song over and over and it uplifts me. :) Mornings haven't been starting out right. Each morning i wake up feeling a kind of emptiness and dread. The cynicism from the previous day just imposes itself on the next and i guess it's been snowballing for a couple of days. I could blame pms. I do actually think that half of this moodiness comes from it... PMS itself doesn't bring you down. Its like cancer. I guess the worst thing PMS does is it magnifies all your insecurities, it clouds your judgement abit. It makes you unstable. I guess some girls could argue that it doesn't. In PMS's defense, i can't say for sure that these effects are induced by it... but, ahwell :/ Anyway i havent been writing. Not here, not on my diary, not anywhere. Partly because it always brings me further inward. It's kind of like talking things out... with myself. Sometimes i feel split up because there is a very clearly sensible part of me who always pacifies the part of me that manifests itself-- The stubbornly childish part of me. Sometimes the lesser of the two voices comes out in writing and i don't really want to see it. Alot of times, we just don't want to wake up from our folly. We don't want to acknowledge that we are being foolish. We don't want to hear that our problems are self-induced and we don't want to people to say that we're making a big deal out of a-nothing. Everyone gets that. But anyway, today i wrote in my diary. The same diary that for the past few days i've been wanting to burn or rip up or hide in a place i'd forget. With Mighty to Save directing my thoughts, I wrote: "Lately I've been struggling with God about many things, mostly about my life. I guess its always a struggle when we come into the picture. We only have one life and often, we find ourselves bargaining for a little more say in it. Yet when we find ourselves in the consequence of our choices, we cry out to God and we blame him. There's always a way to issue blame. We should know. But whether our reasons and claims be valid or not, God takes it and is hurt by it. Like an extra thorn to his crown, or an extra blow with the whip, he takes it. I'm just thinking about how amazing it is, that God exercises so much grace with us, his children. So much patience, that each time we become childish, that each time we become insolent, that each time we rebel against him, we are faced with love and rarely the rod. Grace brings us back to God's heart and we just don't understand it. Sometimes I wish that what was waiting at the end of our folly was not a never-ending grace that we can take for granted. That God will give us what is due us-- a penalty. Maybe if God was a little harsher, or could get a little angrier with us. And then i realised, he does. He does, and we are just insensitive to the emotions of God. We've seen so much grace in this life that we forget, God is not one-dimentional. God is multi-dimentional and if we only see one side of him, we barely know God at all. It shows quite clearly what I've been going to God for most of this time. I think I've got to be a little more positive here. God is Mighty to save. Today i need to be saved, from what, i dont know. But today i believe that He will save me and i need to hang on and rid myself of this cynicism." You know what i could use right now?
Interestingly, not ice cream.
I need some chips to go with my salsaaaaa (: 
Yeaaah, waaaaaaw. :P | 
